It’s going to be one heck of a day. I believe, a day that will have me sobbing by the end of the night. I’m saying this at 6:45 in the morning after receiving a call from the kitchen manager at work. Apparently, I have forgotten to make a carry out order last night, and it was due by 6:00 a.m. I receive a call just minutes before with my manager in a panic, and then when I bolt up from my pillow, and recall that I forgot to make it, my manager replies with, “Oh my gosh! What is going on?!” and then before I could stammer out that I didn’t know, that I was sorry–he hangs up. Since then, I have been staring in the darkness of my bedroom, in complete panic. Complete worry for what would possibly be coming my way later when I have to go in. Allow me to give a little bit of my work history there.
I have been an employee at the fast food restaurant since we opened three years ago. Let me say, that it has been an amazing three years. This job has taught me things I’ll be able to use in any other job, or whichever career I go into: Communications skills; hard, dedicated work, problem solving skills, the list goes on! This place really brought me out of my shell, and though there have been times where I was at my wits end and couldn’t possibly bear it anymore, the thought of quitting flickered through my mind, but vanished just as quickly. The place I work is like family: no matter how crazy there are, no matter how much they them to constantly be on your back, you still love them. The thought of giving up on my work family paralyzed me with fear. How would I function without being around them? These passed…six months has begged a different question though. “How much more of me can they take before they let me go?” And that is an even scarier thought.
These past few months have been stressful. Sometimes I don’t even know where I stand anymore, or that I’m even a part of things I used to be a part of. There are times I feel like I’m a walking target and everyone is out to get me, just waiting for me to do something wrong.
I have frantically searched my brain for reasons I have messed up in areas, asking myself what I could possibly do to make it better. When I came up with things to help me in my situations, they worked a little while and then I found myself messing up, again. I’ve been up all morning thinking and thinking, and thinking! I finally have come to one conclusion. God is testing me; He must be! For months, I’ve been trying to search myself for answers to problems, for ways to do better in areas where I’m slacking, and everything I try just never seems to work. I was absolutely made certain of this fact when I logged onto Facebook this morning and saw Bible quotes on my timeline that just seemed to scream at me. What a reminder that God is always in control. He’ll always be there for me and I should never forget it, or worse, try to work outside His will.
As long I know in my heart that God is in complete control, I don’t need to fret. I’m not fighting a losing battle as long as He’s fighting it with me. I’ll always come out winning with God.